Pakistan’s Ambassador to the United States operates with the same simple, transparent, emotional, guilt-driven logic as my five year old daughter. Clearly, Pakistan is hanging out with my little girl when I’m not watching!

For 6 days, the kids and I searched for my wallet. Searched! It was absurd – I KNEW it was somewhere in the house. When I finally DID find it in Theresa’s backpack, her red-faced startled response was “Mommy I forgot it was there!” My cocked eyebrow was met with embarrassment (disguised as anger) and “That’s MY backpack! That’s MY privacy!” Her crocodile tears and attempt to position herself the victim were awe-inspiring yet fruitless. It was a defensive, guilt-driven, twisted logic she was working. Impressive argumentation from five year old girl in Pre K. Pathetic for Pakistan’s Ambassador to the United States.

After spending hundreds of billions of dollars and thousands of lives searching for Bin Laden, we find him right under the nose of the Pakistani government and military. They are our ally, and that is just embarrassing for them. Wow. I was sure they’d have some reasonable answers.

Sure enough, on Sunday, Pakistan’s ambassador to the United States VOWED that “heads will roll” in Pakistan following an investigation into how Bin Laden was able to live comfortably in a giant (for that area), custom-built-for-terrorists compound just outside Pakistan’s most esteemed military academy. For years, no less. YEARS! Okay…cool. I’m feeling you. You’re pissed, Mr. Pakistani Ambassador – and you SHOULD BE pissed! Pakistan has been shamed & embarrassed by (what we hoped were) a few ‘bad eggs’ making it appear as though Pakistan systematically harbors terrorists. That would mean Pakistan provides aid and comfort to terrorists, therefore implying Pakistan itself is, at the very least, a supporter of terrorism.

WooooWeeeee! I’d be pissed too. The World’s Most Wanted Terrorist living on your turf. For years. And right under your nose. And you had no idea at all. I’m sure you’ll get to the bottom of it! Like you said…heads will roll.

If I were you, I would have summoned the greatest scholars of our time – historians, sociologists and poets from across the globe to write the greatest, most inspiring apology in the history of mankind! A full admission of shame, shock, disgust & guilt – a speech that would make the world respect your integrity & admission of poor intel within your own borders! It would be a speech to make the world celebrate Pakistan! Support Pakistan! And most of all, HATE those few monsters that disgraced your country and your honor.

Mmmmm…but you didn’t do that, did you? No. Instead, Mr. Ambassador, you added insult to injury. You tried to blame the United States. Clearly, you’ve been hanging out with my 5 years old.

Pakistan’s Ambassador to the US stated that the United States contributed to the “cracks through which things fell” by paying too much attention to Iraq and Afghanistan, and not enough to Pakistan. So it’s our fault you hid a terrorist? Oh, okay Theresa, er, Mr. Ambassador. We should not have assumed your were competent and/or honest. (Somewhere along the line we learned you weren’t trustworthy, though!)

BUT WAIT…THERE’S MORE…

The ambassador then said Pakistan was “offended” by the violation of their sovereignty when United States Navy Seals conducted a top secret mission and extracted Bin Laden from Pakistan.

OMG. OMG! WHAT? When you say “the cracks through which things fell”…do you mean the terrorist you protected and hid from us as we gave billions of dollars to Pakistan? And you’re offended? Really. Really? Well, you too sir, offend me.

Pakistan needs a better PR rep. Give my little Theresa a full year in kindergarten and I’m confident she’ll run circles around this guy.

Last night and today we have witnessed what will be yet another great moment we’ll all remember for the rest of our lives as bin Laden is shot and killed by US Special Forces. My son goes to college in Fairfax, VA at George Mason University, not far from the US Capitol and the White House. He went down to Pennsylvania Avenue early this morning and sent me this picture from his phone with with caption “Outside the White House praising America with hundreds of people!!!!!!”. Way to make it happen Donald! You’re the greatest. Dad.